So many things happened about a year. And they successfully brought me down.

Maybe it’s the hardest part of my life just like I would be happy if God take me now… Astagfirullah it’s quite pathetic but really suddenly I don’t feel scared to dead.

I’m not trying to be exaggerated but you may know if you are being me.

So, almost a year ago, my dad oh i should not call him dad, yeah whatever. he left us without moneys or even messages. I can’t tell why but after he left, many problems came just like a bomb i can’t handle

At that day - the day I knew that my father left home,  final examination of second term was going to come. I frustrated. I try to cover it from all my friend because I don’t want to be pitied I couldn’t study at all because I just imagine.  how did my mother feel?  was she okay? can she handle her pain herself? Could she handle all problems that bastard make? So All I can did just pray all day long. I wish that my GPA score didn’t come down because That’s only I can do to  cheer up my mom.

Really I’m curious too now why I didn’t frustrated and keep doing all the examination till the end. and surprisingly, my GPA score is out of my expectation. God is really really Incredible.

Time flies and I began to be wonted without him. So my brother take his role of being my father now. But another problem happened. yeah I know I’m made by steel so I could face it.  So my brother was going to marry her fiance. and it means I will lost my brother too.  yeah life is fair. life is fair I know. and now he has been married and I hope he will be happy with his choice…….. :)

Then nowadays, I get close with someone.. yeah you know.After about 2 years since the last I’m broken heart. Thing that make it funny is He suddenly came when I had done tahajjud.Oh man really someone suddenly chat me on line when I just done tahajjud and I was indeed ask for mate. please don’t laughing at me please…..  It’s weird but is a weird chance still exist in diz world? So yeah I just let it flow and let the time answer. And the answer is, God just let me know that it’s not the right time. He give me a shit enough boy just to make me realize I still have many things to be fixed to get the best. So I left him.

It becomes my turning point actually. So many things happens but all things I do all this time are just complain complain and complain and other thing I jealous with other people’s life. Why don’t I have a life like them? Why am I? not pretty as her? why none boy love me like he love her?  and many many thing. ewh It’s disgusting I know.

I never try to fix my self like be more patient or be more busy with organization I just still in my comfort zone doing nothing. So I begin to arrange my life from now on. I try to join organization so please I begging you to pray for me so I could join in that organization. Oh yes and I’m looking for part time job too. And I began to take care my self as I can. And yeah I begin to write again. Inshaa Allah. please I hope it keep encourage me to do something productive . Not just today. Not just today.