Kosong Lima

Turning Point

Selasa, 21 April 2015 | 08.56 | 0Comment(s)

So many things happened about a year. And they successfully brought me down.

Maybe it’s the hardest part of my life just like I would be happy if God take me now… Astagfirullah it’s quite pathetic but really suddenly I don’t feel scared to dead.

I’m not trying to be exaggerated but you may know if you are being me.

So, almost a year ago, my dad oh i should not call him dad, yeah whatever. he left us without moneys or even messages. I can’t tell why but after he left, many problems came just like a bomb i can’t handle

At that day - the day I knew that my father left home, final examination of second term was going to come. I frustrated. I try to cover it from all my friend because I don’t want to be pitied I couldn’t study at all because I just imagine. how did my mother feel? was she okay? can she handle her pain herself? Could she handle all problems that bastard make? So All I can did just pray all day long. I wish that my GPA score didn’t come down because That’s only I can do to cheer up my mom.

Really I’m curious too now why I didn’t frustrated and keep doing all the examination till the end. and surprisingly, my GPA score is out of my expectation. God is really really Incredible.

Time flies and I began to be wonted without him. So my brother take his role of being my father now. But another problem happened. yeah I know I’m made by steel so I could face it. So my brother was going to marry her fiance. and it means I will lost my brother too. yeah life is fair. life is fair I know. and now he has been married and I hope he will be happy with his choice…….. :)

Then nowadays, I get close with someone.. yeah you know.After about 2 years since the last I’m broken heart. Thing that make it funny is He suddenly came when I had done tahajjud.Oh man really someone suddenly chat me on line when I just done tahajjud and I was indeed ask for mate. please don’t laughing at me please….. It’s weird but is a weird chance still exist in diz world? So yeah I just let it flow and let the time answer. And the answer is, God just let me know that it’s not the right time. He give me a shit enough boy just to make me realize I still have many things to be fixed to get the best. So I left him.

It becomes my turning point actually. So many things happens but all things I do all this time are just complain complain and complain and other thing I jealous with other people’s life. Why don’t I have a life like them? Why am I? not pretty as her? why none boy love me like he love her? and many many thing. ewh It’s disgusting I know.

I never try to fix my self like be more patient or be more busy with organization I just still in my comfort zone doing nothing. So I begin to arrange my life from now on. I try to join organization so please I begging you to pray for me so I could join in that organization. Oh yes and I’m looking for part time job too. And I began to take care my self as I can. And yeah I begin to write again. Inshaa Allah. please I hope it keep encourage me to do something productive . Not just today. Not just today.

Label: Curhat, LifeLesson

Bad May ever

Sabtu, 17 Mei 2014 | 08.34 | 0Comment(s)

It's almost midnight and I still don't know how to sleep

Everynight I lay on my bed Suddenly my mind brings me to all of the things that have happened.
It makes me feel bad.

Ntah kenapa lah mei ini kayaknya jadi bulan paling bikin aku ngga mood. Ntah kenapa mood ku bisa berantakan yang ngakibatin kuliahku juga berantakan. Sedihnya aku jadi jarang hubungin mama, Anak macem apa aku ini?
Yang paling berantakan adalah organisasiku
Dunno ya aku ngerasa I shouldn't be chosen. Aku banyaaak banget ngecewain orang-orang yang udah ngasih kesempatan buat aku.
Aku banyak ngelanggar janjiku sendiri
Terlebih aku ga konsisten
Udah berbulan-bulan aku masih aja ngerasa tersesat di keluarga baruku sendiri.
You know how it feels? I feel like I'm stupider than a chicken.

What's wrong with may actually?
Keuanganku juga bener-bener parah. Aku belom pernah se krisis ini sebelomnya
Oh maaaaaay pleaaaase run faster
I need to rebuild my mood.

Just A Random Post

Sabtu, 05 April 2014 | 02.02 | 0Comment(s)

Beberapa hari lalu, ada temen nanya, "Cin kok postingan blogmu kudu berenti di curhatan sakit atimu itu sih" Haha seketika aku ketawa aja padahal dalem ati mikir juga. Oh damn It has been long time I didn't write.

Lama mikir...

Ya jawabannya kayaknya cuma satu

Man, orang makin banyak inspirasi ketika dia patah hati

Ya coba aja kamu denger lagu-lagu hits di dunia kebanyakan tentang patah hati kan?

Puisi-puisi yang bikin kamu nangis kejer juga lebih ngena dibaca pas lagi patah hati kan?

Ya jadi kesimpulannya aku lagi baik-baik aja gak bahagia juga gak lagi seneng

Tapi buat kalian yang patah hati, jadilahah seorang patah hatiers yang produktif *apasih haha

Patah hati ga harus bikin kalian stuck, diem dan ngurung diri di kamar tapi waktu patah hati justru kudu bikin karya yang suatu saat nanti kalo kalian udah bahagia dan kalian nikmatin karya kalian itu, kalian akan sadar

"Hey I was ever too hurt ago. Aku pernah sesakit ini ya dulu".